It's been a long time since I last wrote here. A lot has happened.
God has been really good to me over the last year, but this has been one of the hardest times of my life so far too!
I decided to go to nursing school, so I have spent about a year taking all the prerequisites. Last year in January or so I decided that I would go to LT in Colorado. This meant quitting my job at Northcrest and hoping to get a job when I got back. Right before I left (literally 4 days) I called DMACC and found out I would be in the nursing program for the fall.
Lt this summer was really hard--I had a job where I was by myself a lot of the time and where I really felt like an outsider. I was just tired and discouraged throughout the summer. I wondered why I had to be there and wanted to go home.
Plus all summer I was trying to figure out how I felt about Mike, who I had broken up with the fall before.
When I got back I started school, joined a new team in the Rock and started working as a CNA at Northcrest.
Those first weeks were kind of blah. I haven't really been sure about where I fit in on our team-I can't be in the dorms much due to school--that's what I have done for the last 4 years, so what do I do now?
Mike asked me in October to start a courting relationship with the purpose of seeing if we should get married--that was really cool, because since about July I was having a really hard time with him--I really liked him :-)
He has been a real blessing to me.
But I've also felt fairly distant from God for a long time--like I can't really connect with him and like my relationship with him wasn't really very real. I have always focused a lot on what I can do for God and how I can produce--but when he kind of took me out of commission in the dorms this summer and fall I really had to rethink everything. What do I take my value from, and how do I view him? Is he my taskmaster who only cares about production, or is he my father who loves me no matter what?
I'm just starting to learn what it looks like to be totally in love with my God and to view him correctly. I have a lot to learn.
Here's a verse I read yesterday:
Psalm 34:4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.
This is my prayer.
